my feelings till today.
These days, I am feeling a little bit stress so I resorted to emotional eating.
You see, I have a few things to say.
1. As you grow older, and time passes, you will realize that your friends are so far away. They have their lives and they have no time for you. This is me talking about my friends who are still single. Makes me worried if they got married and me staying single forever. I guess I have to keep on going to cinemas alone.
2. When I started working, I eat more and I sleep more. I can't seem to get a hang of it yet. It has been like 8 months working and all i do is eat, sleep and eat again. Staring at my laptop the rest of the weekend, not doing chores. I mean what the heck. This is not the life I wanted.
3. I want to be skinny. There, I said it. I wanted to look more appealing. Not for me. But just to show everyone that I am doing well. I know I am not supposed to be worrying about what others think but I am starting to get annoyed that they verbally say things out loud to make me change. Like how I have become fat, or I have become big or I don't dress pretty enough. I want to say screw you. But I am too nice and just laugh it off. Seriously, I enjoyed wearing big clothes! I enjoyed wearing things I am comfortable with! so screw you for saying that I don't know how to dress up.
4. The other most annoying thing is that I regretted letting him go. He was an asshole but he was the only person who would bring me to places I wanted to go. He would fill my time without me asking. He would text me without me texting first. I miss that actually. I miss him calling me in the middle of the night until the very dawn of the day. Remembering all this stuffs makes me feel like I want him back but I will never forget that we won't match. I called him my friend and he said, I was never his friend. We were just people who have interest in each other but him, having interest on the business part of it, merely the transaction. I hope that you'll think of me and come back. I hope that you will never find anyone else like me and regret for the bitter words you uttered to me. I hope that someday you will realize that you will not get any richer if you keep on treating people like shit. and now i sounded like a creepy ex-girlfriend who just got dumped. pfft.
5. To this friendships, I didn't mean to hurt you. I was trying to take care everyone's feeling. I am effed up too. But please understand that I don't wish any harm. The photoshoot was meant to be as 5 and I am sick and tired to fit everyone's schedule when you guys have no tolerance on making it happen. No one wants to back down and say, you know what, we want to me this happen, so let's make this happen. That is why, that very day, everything becomes bullshit. Everything did not go as planned. We were behind schedule, we left stuffs, we became bad liars. And then what? Graduation become a very hateful memory and all of those fucking pictures we took? How would I feel when I look at it? I don't think a happy feeling would linger. It's like a beautiful picture but people don't know what's inside. What insecurities this friendship held upon.
You see, I have a few things to say.
1. As you grow older, and time passes, you will realize that your friends are so far away. They have their lives and they have no time for you. This is me talking about my friends who are still single. Makes me worried if they got married and me staying single forever. I guess I have to keep on going to cinemas alone.
2. When I started working, I eat more and I sleep more. I can't seem to get a hang of it yet. It has been like 8 months working and all i do is eat, sleep and eat again. Staring at my laptop the rest of the weekend, not doing chores. I mean what the heck. This is not the life I wanted.
3. I want to be skinny. There, I said it. I wanted to look more appealing. Not for me. But just to show everyone that I am doing well. I know I am not supposed to be worrying about what others think but I am starting to get annoyed that they verbally say things out loud to make me change. Like how I have become fat, or I have become big or I don't dress pretty enough. I want to say screw you. But I am too nice and just laugh it off. Seriously, I enjoyed wearing big clothes! I enjoyed wearing things I am comfortable with! so screw you for saying that I don't know how to dress up.
4. The other most annoying thing is that I regretted letting him go. He was an asshole but he was the only person who would bring me to places I wanted to go. He would fill my time without me asking. He would text me without me texting first. I miss that actually. I miss him calling me in the middle of the night until the very dawn of the day. Remembering all this stuffs makes me feel like I want him back but I will never forget that we won't match. I called him my friend and he said, I was never his friend. We were just people who have interest in each other but him, having interest on the business part of it, merely the transaction. I hope that you'll think of me and come back. I hope that you will never find anyone else like me and regret for the bitter words you uttered to me. I hope that someday you will realize that you will not get any richer if you keep on treating people like shit. and now i sounded like a creepy ex-girlfriend who just got dumped. pfft.
5. To this friendships, I didn't mean to hurt you. I was trying to take care everyone's feeling. I am effed up too. But please understand that I don't wish any harm. The photoshoot was meant to be as 5 and I am sick and tired to fit everyone's schedule when you guys have no tolerance on making it happen. No one wants to back down and say, you know what, we want to me this happen, so let's make this happen. That is why, that very day, everything becomes bullshit. Everything did not go as planned. We were behind schedule, we left stuffs, we became bad liars. And then what? Graduation become a very hateful memory and all of those fucking pictures we took? How would I feel when I look at it? I don't think a happy feeling would linger. It's like a beautiful picture but people don't know what's inside. What insecurities this friendship held upon.
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