things i am not good at.

People say when you're not feeling good,
you should write it down because it helps you in way.
Sometimes, when you feel bad about yourself, you tend to beat yourself up.
That is what I am doing.
I went on a several journey of unsatisfactory with myself where i think
I am not clever enough,
I am not beautiful enough,
I am not presentable enough.
and the list goes on and on and on.
It made me feel dreadful just going through my days feeling this kind of emotion.
it drags you down thinking that life is not enough.
I should be more than this,
I should be doing this, that.
Makes me want to rip my brain apart to tell it to stop.

I went to a talk yesterday, by my HR on 7 habits of successful people by Stephen Covey and I remembered something that she said about knowing yourself.
"When something bad happens to you, that is when you know yourself," she said.
I happened to recall the incident that happened to me last year where my life turns to a wreck and
I've changed on how I view life. It's a paradigm shift where all I see was cynical situations happen in front of me.
This also makes me uncomfortable with myself.
I have always been this cheerful kid where I do things I wanted to do.
I explore the world and always, always am satisfied with myself.
But when this happen,
I bummed out thinking I wasn't enough.
Things that i've achieved mean nothing and I am back to ground zero.
I wanted to change.
I wanted to be the ME I am proud of.
Let's just hope I found her again.
Because if i don't,
she'll be gone,
forever.