have courage

"what exactly am I holding on to?"

I kept asking myself day by day as I stared at the ceiling above me.
what exactly that I want with this relationship? what more do I want?
questions that kept on lingering in my head. To my surprise, I know all of the answers.

What exactly am I holding on to? You, of course and our future together.
What exactly that I want with this relationship? To be as it is last time, when you love me more than anything else.
What more do I want? that illusion of you, when it's now gone.

You see, I know exactly what I want. I know a lot better that I don't want someone who loves me halfheartedly. I know that I want someone who takes care of me and appreciate me. I don't want someone who is selfish and would not have any sympathise whenever he does something bad to me.
I know all that and yet i'm still here. for whatever reason and for whatever the future lies, i am still here.

hoping that things will change someday. hoping that things would be different.
i think i've been lying to myself all along.
things won't change. things won't be different.
it'll be the same cycle all over again and it'll cause heartbreak all over again.

so, dear me, you know what to do.
have courage to do it.
don't be kind anymore.
be kind to yourself.
mend that broken heart.
mend that broken mentality.
fix it and get better.