Day 1
So far, I have a lot of mixed emotions that I feel about KN.
First of all, I was upset because he didn't text me at all after me saying I wanted a time off.
I don't know why but I am too tired to ask and too busy to think about it.
I had a long night of thinking and I couldn't sleep and today took my energy away from all the tours to offices. But overall I had fun going everywhere.
However, when my thoughts came down to KN, i just went into a sad mood and it made me think why am I there in the relationship.
So far with his behaviour towards me I can only do two things:
1. I could just break up with him and focus on my self development. Cause I am pretty sure, I am just weirdly obsessed over the idea of falling in love and relationships I just go berserk by the single idea of abnormality of my own.
2. Stay. which is the toughest part. because if this time, i'm staying in the relationship with him, I have to be able to be fine with no having too much feelings for the relationship. I just have to do whatever he is doing. relax and not feel too much. in fact, don't feel at all. Refuse all of the emotions and move on with the relationship until God and time forbids it to go further.
And of course no.1 sounds like a very simple answer that I should take but both are hard to deal with. so I'm just going to let it sink in a little bit more in my tiny brain of mine.
As I was walking down to the pantry and went to get myself a drink, I sigh as I saw this poster on the board. Reading those at that time, gave my hear and enlightenment. Something I never felt before,
something that is familiar and I realized it was all what I believed in. All of the pursuant that I want to do. exlpore, go ahead and put myself there. explore. go for it.
Ah, I miss my old self. she's able to do a lot of weird stuffs and not feel bad about things. I miss her. For now, i have deal with this weakling of mine to firm up her heart, mend it on my own so I can be tougher than ever.
First of all, I was upset because he didn't text me at all after me saying I wanted a time off.
I don't know why but I am too tired to ask and too busy to think about it.
I had a long night of thinking and I couldn't sleep and today took my energy away from all the tours to offices. But overall I had fun going everywhere.
However, when my thoughts came down to KN, i just went into a sad mood and it made me think why am I there in the relationship.
So far with his behaviour towards me I can only do two things:
1. I could just break up with him and focus on my self development. Cause I am pretty sure, I am just weirdly obsessed over the idea of falling in love and relationships I just go berserk by the single idea of abnormality of my own.
2. Stay. which is the toughest part. because if this time, i'm staying in the relationship with him, I have to be able to be fine with no having too much feelings for the relationship. I just have to do whatever he is doing. relax and not feel too much. in fact, don't feel at all. Refuse all of the emotions and move on with the relationship until God and time forbids it to go further.
And of course no.1 sounds like a very simple answer that I should take but both are hard to deal with. so I'm just going to let it sink in a little bit more in my tiny brain of mine.
As I was walking down to the pantry and went to get myself a drink, I sigh as I saw this poster on the board. Reading those at that time, gave my hear and enlightenment. Something I never felt before,
something that is familiar and I realized it was all what I believed in. All of the pursuant that I want to do. exlpore, go ahead and put myself there. explore. go for it.
Ah, I miss my old self. she's able to do a lot of weird stuffs and not feel bad about things. I miss her. For now, i have deal with this weakling of mine to firm up her heart, mend it on my own so I can be tougher than ever.
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